If I suddenly disappear for a few days, please don’t worry about me! Our computer screen has been playing up and sometimes it won’t come on at all. It can take ages to flicker into life, and even then it keeps threatening to fold the picture. I’m not sure what’s wrong with it but one of these days it is going to go kaput and we will have to leave it until we can take it for repair. So if I vanish, that’ll be why!
At one point, after we’d had almost a year of “not trying for a baby” to see whether that worked – and it didn’t – I started reading books. Some of them were about various positions that could be used in order to aid conception, and we had some fun trying those! Then R found a book that guaranteed pregnancy.
The idea was that, after the “event”, I would have to practically stand on my head for 15 minutes in order to help the sperm find its way to the egg. It was rather hilarious, but I tried it for several months! However, that didn’t work either.
Then another book talked about douching with a mixture of bicarbonate of soda and water. This was to neutralise any acid that might be killing sperm. In order to do this I had to buy a rubber gadget called a Higginson Enema Syringe, with a squeezy bulb in the middle and a nozzle at either end, one for intake and one for output. I’ll leave the operation of this thing to your imaginations! The book said that it should be used prior to making love, and could be rather fun. It also said that these contraptions were available from chemists.
So I went into Boots and looked for them, but couldn’t see any so asked the pharmacist. I was given a funny look and told no, sorry, but they didn’t stock those, and what did I want one for? I said that it was supposed to help with infertility and I was asked how. So there I stood, being buffeted about by impatient Saturday morning shoppers, and explained about my infertility and the failed IVFs and the books and the mixture and this contraption and how I was supposed to use it. The funny look disappeared and was replaced by one of sympathy and a couple of other smaller chemists were suggested.
I tried one, and the same thing happened. I tried the other, which had two branches in our town. I went through the rigmarole again, wishing that I’d brought the book with me to show people instead of having to repeat our story over and over to complete strangers with other complete strangers behind me in the queue having a good listen. Still, what did I care? I had no dignity left, and thought that maybe this contraption was The Thing That Would Work, so if I had to demean myself in front of the whole county I would do it.
The pharmacist here said that they didn’t stock them but their other branch at the other end of the town did, and that she would ring ahead and tell a named person who I should ask for. She would tell him that she had OK’d it and then I wouldn’t have to explain why I wanted it.
I thanked her very much and trotted off. I reached the other chemist and asked for the named person, who just happened to be at lunch. I explained what I had gone for, and because the message hadn’t been passed on I had to go through it again. The person I spoke to here phoned the other branch and received the OK, so I was allowed to purchase it. I then discovered that the reason for all the concern was that this gadget has another use, and anybody buying one has to have a valid reason for having it, but I won’t say here what that alternative use is.
So, I took it home, and the next time that it was the ‘right time’ we tried it. Well R wasn’t too keen on the whole idea, and it wasn’t as fun as they said in the book that it would be, but at last I felt as though I was in control again, and was Doing Something To Help.