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Well we had a lovely day yesterday, sitting in the sunshine and watching the cricket; a perfect late Summer’s afternoon.  There were couples and groups of friends and of course the inevitable families with children.  In my mind our two were with us; boys, this time, one 9 and one 11, and their best friend from school and their parents.  My Echo was there too, of course, as I knew she would be.

If you’re new to all this and haven’t read from the beginning, don’t worry – I don’t really hear voices and I don’t have hallucinations!  I know what’s real and what isn’t.  It just comforts me sometimes to ‘have’ our children with us as they would have been, at different ages and sometimes different sexes to suit the occasion, doing the normal things that children do, being happy, arguing in the back of the car, lying on the floor doing their homework, etc.

Sometimes it doesn’t comfort me and just upsets me, though, so the thought only lasts for a few seconds and is then banished back to that place at the back of my mind.

After the match all the boys and Dads rushed onto the pitch to play their own games, and we saw one Dad accidentally hit his ball onto the ‘square’, which had been covered up.  “Oh No”, I groaned inwardly, expecting his teenage son to run straight across it.  But, he didn’t!  He ran carefully round it in order to retrieve the ball, which had travelled to the furthest edge.  I was proud of him.  They were too far away to say anything, but I’d have liked to have gone up to them and commended him for doing that.

My Dad took great pride in the cricket pitches that he tended, and from a very early age my brother and I were told that we must never walk on ‘The Square’.  And we never have done, in all our lives.  Obviously this lad knew the Rule too, and it did my heart good to see that.  If he had been my son I would have been proud of him too, and so would my Dad have been.

I managed to buy some paperweights in the shop containing portions of the tree that had once stood within the boundary and hid them in my handbag so H doesn’t know that he has one coming at Christmas!  There’s one which has little bubbles of air inside it along the bark, making it sparkle, and that’s the one I shall give to Dad.

H has a fortnight off work now, having had to work for the last two years almost without a break – and I’ve come home and he has gone to bed with a cold and sore throat!  I think that it’s because he’s relaxed now, having come to the end of several big projects that his Department have all been working on.  He works for Social Services (children’s placements) and there has been a lot of work lately so the whole of the IT Department have been really working flat out, but things should start to improve now and they will all have time to take some well-earned leave and get back to normal.

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About Linda Weeks

About my life with the daughter I thought I'd never have - but I did, thanks to a wonderful anonymous egg donor, to whom I will be forever grateful. xx
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